A Missed Miscarriage

This is not the way I had wanted to start the new year. I had hoped to continue to have morning sickness, back pain, hormonal influx, mood swings, you know... all of the good things that you get before you can hold that amazing little person in your arms. Instead I'll be going into the doctor after having what I believe was a missed miscarriage. A missed miscarriage is when embryonic death has occurred but there is not any expulsion of the embryo. It is not known why this occurs. Signs of this would be a loss of pregnancy symptoms and the absence of fetal heart tones found on an ultrasound.

I had all of the symptoms of being pregnant. The implantation cramps, the "lightening crotch" and of course the morning sickness had started. Even had the "faint" second line on the pregnancy test. But then it all went away. I have had many months of peeing on sticks with the BFN, but this of course is different and it's heart breaking. I thought I was okay with it, but this morning it hit!!

Emotions Flowing 

This morning I have started my new challenge groups which meant starting P90X3 first thing this morning. It honestly took me an hour to go through a 30 minute workout. I was dealing with stuff that was stuck trying to escape. Then I hit the shower... emotions overflow!! I found myself just bawling in the shower. I realized that this Whole 30 / Virgin Diet / P90X3 change is the start of a renewal. Almost a rebirth in more ways than one. I slathered on the clary sage and geranium for emotional healing, and of course for healing internally the frankincense and basil. I will make it through this, and be stronger for it. I had my power shake, and I'm ready to do this. Going forward into a new day. Women over the age of 45 can have up to a 50% chance of miscarriage, sad but it's the reality of where we are. Feeling really crampy today, and drinking my shake and just going through the motions. Trying to not make any rash decisions in my moment of emotional madness.

And you know what I mean?? Emotions where you want to quit... but I can't quit, it's not in my nature. <3 life, and going to keep going for it!